This week I've been mostly applying for jobs and reading course-related books in the garden (currently 'Wild Analysis' by Freud). My fingers are well and truly green, my thumbs too, and I've been documenting the flowers on the side. Everyday it seems like there're new varieties to snap away at. So excuse me if the flower photos are a little tedious:
Following on from those great posters, I did a quick search to find more from the series. Not sure how many in total, but they're all fantastic:
Again, for each one, 'dochi ga hen?' - which one is strange?
A bit of a gruesome and unsolved mystery: about a week before I left Japan, I noticed a little bump on Keiko's leg. A hard white point was protruding from the skin. I asked her what it was and she said it had been there a couple of months. Nothing like leaving a weird object in you. I asked her if it was Ok that I try and remove it and she replied that she'd tried quite a few times but to no avail.
Pulling at it caused some discomfort but I didn't realise how much it was hurting until she starting crying in agony. Was it a piece of bone? Some type of nerve? It was all quite gross, and consider that I'm a wuss when watching hospital dramas, I was pretty brave when I tweezered off some pussy bits. Told you it was bleurgh.
The object was more dislodged and looked like it could be pulled out, although we took a break when it popped back in.
We squeezed around it when suddenly...
Waaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhh
And that was me screaming.
I have no idea what it is, but the whole piece popped out. This is it straight after, and then removed:
Is it a claw from an animal? Dirt? An alien? I even considered putting some water on it 'The Faculty'-style to see if it reanimated. Whatever it was, it was in there for a loooong time.
Still to this day I have no clue. The pictures gross me out every time I look at them.
The following are four anecdotes to be read as a "The Simpson's Treehouse of Horror" episode, which rely on a conscious break from normality and subvert expectations.
For me, at least.
1. P's & Q's and FU's Too
I needed to pick up a few things from Boots, that national institution of all things healthy. The shop was empty and I was diverted to take my basket of essentials to the beauty counter. Two youngish women behind the till were busy chatting away about their families and how much they see them, and I excused them with a polite "Good morning". They turned and looked at me like I was, and pardon the Gordon Ramsay in me, a piece of shit. Neither replied and they continued chatting, running my purchases through a till and dropping them in a bag. One held out her hand to me for the money, and subsequently returned a receipt, their conversation flowing.
Neither said a word to me - aka the inconvenience - the whole time.
Keiko used to get angry at me for making her say please and thank you, and accused the British of being overly polite. Nothing wrong with good manners. That made me quite proud in a way. And that's what I thought. Until Boots.
2. Missed Moneypenny
I took the bus to see my Grandma in the nursing home this morning (which I had to wait 20 minutes for). The fee was £1.30 and I went into my wallet for some change. The pound coin wasn't a problem and then I went for 10p's. Only I kept picking up 2p pieces. I knew there was a problem but I couldn't for the life of me stop taking 2p's. I had to stop and really concentrate to work it out. A mental block in me had retained the similar 10yen piece and transferred the aesthetic to the 2p. 
It was really bizarre - I guess like a Derren Brown hypnotic occurrence where you're powerless to rationalise.
3. Fashionistas
At the nursing home, I'd just arrived as nature called my Grandma away so I fetched a chair and waited for her. As I brought the chair back, two old ladies (the old didn't really need saying, did it) tutted at me. I spent the next few minutes listening in to their criticism of my apparently "special army trousers". Granted they're a bit torn and ragged at the bottom but they're hardly offensive. Yet they couldn't believe I'd venture out in them, blamed it on my bad upbringing, and thought people like me should be shot.
Whoah there! I had to sit and take that onslaught. I mean, fine, some unkempt clothes may not be to everyone's tastes, but this was hardly the biggest crime against fashion. If you want to get angry at someone, take it out on that hideous Gok Wan creature; a name that sounds like a stir fry sauce and believes that making fat women feel good is wearing expensive clothes rather than getting down to a gym. Hey, he put himself out there as a so-called fashion expert, so I'm allowed to scoff.
The women carried on the whole time I was there, chatting away to Grandma. Never once did they say "What a lovely boy coming to visit his Grandma". But they did call me...
meshuga.
And just before I left, I took the chair back and delightfully received a final...
tut Disgusting.
4. Service with a Smile
I thought I'd walk home through Meyrick Park and stop at Bournemouth Library to check a few books I needed for the Uni course. I "Good morning"-ed the man on the desk and asked him if I could please join. He gave me the form to fill out, checked the bank statement, with address, I brought along and gave me a card. I asked him a few questions about borrowing etc, and thanked him for his help.
I found three books on the reading list, so happily took them to the lending desk, whilst reclaiming my love of all things library. Coincidentally, the same guy stamped my books, so I said "Thanks so much for all your help" and as I walked away he turned to his colleague and groaned that I was an...
"Excruciatingly positive person".
(Which is ironic because I'm daily accused by someone of verging towards negative.)
As an epilogue, I stopped at Borders to check if they had any books I couldn't find so headed towards the Psych section. I'm not sure the health profession should be comforted that 'How To Look Good Naked' is positioned at the centre.
Neither do 'ADHD for Dummies' or 'Depression for Dummies' seem particularly sensitive titles either.
I fought over where to put the hyphen, or if it even needed one, so I left it out. There, I'm rebelling against the English Teacher I used to be. Now, I fink I'll talk all stupid, innit.
Which leads me to my first dislike of being back in England - the people. That's a bit harsh, and I won't go on about the appalling accents or grammatical disasters I've been exposed to (which if written down on a sign, would've made a good Image Of The Week - only how sad that the Japanese have an excuse). Nor will I mention the rapidly heaving size of people here. Instead, it's more my problem than theirs:
1. Sensory Overload.
In Japan, it was easy to blank other noise out. If I didn't understand what was being said, and even if I picked up a word or two, it lacked meaning in the contex. Therefore, I developed a 'blindness'*, if you will , to television programmes, announcements and conversations.
Here, I pick up on the smallest chatter, from the neighbours next door to people on their mobiles as they drive past. It's distracting and offputting, and not something I would have ever imagined a problem.
2. Convenience and Price
This one was obvious - where's all the public transport, the 24 hour opening times of shops? Heck, they don't even open until the middle of the day on Sundays. Food is double, public transport is outrageous (over £10 for a 30 minute train journey!?) and fruit isn't as cheap as I'd remembered (the saving grace I'd constantly support England with over Japan). I could moan (and believe me I will) but as I've been told, it's England and I'll have to deal with it. Or starve.**
3. Food
I've had good meals here, but I'm craving Japanese food so badly. There's a Korean store close by but it's sparse so I'll have to investigate elsewhere. Or butcher Keiko into sending emergency rations. On the flipside, it really is potatoes potatoes potatoes here, and as much as I don't want to, it's looking extremely easy to fall back into a chips routine. I wonder if there's a rice-cooker lying around somewhere...
*'Deafness' makes more sense but I like how the sentence flows.
**I won't starve, please don't worry.
Have you ever wondered if other people are like you? If we see the same colour they do? If they taste food the same? If they're all in on one big secret about you? From Descartes 'cogito ergo sum' to 'The Truman Show' I was left with a sense of paranoia; am I really living the life I think I am? Not that I consider myself special in that sense, but there's a possibility it's true for all of us, although only I know it could be true for me, as you know it could be true for you. I'm fairly certain everyone's considered this to some extent.
But going to Japan has shown me how impossible this is; no-one could set up such a huge operation, especially considering the spontaneity of some of my trips and number of 'actors' they would have had to supply.
So I guess the answer is conclusively that none of us are being filmed a la Truman (unless, of course, I'm double-bluffing one of you out there; you know who you are, or do you?)
This has spiralled way off track and too far down into my psyche. The point was, events never stop happening all around the world, whether we're there or not. Or even if we find out about them (from this, yes, trees do make a sound). And the big earthquake today in Japan goes to show this. Just under a 7, I don't think there have been any casualties, but from this diagram, the reddish-orange is visually alarming:
A compendium of train posters.
The first I took and kindly Keiko sent me the latter two this morning, which I guess have gone up recently. I would've loved this new campaign - they're funny and affecting.
(taken in Toyosu - 13th July, 2008)
It makes me laugh - do what exactly at home? Wear headphones over your ears at home? Stick fingers in your ears at home? Try to stick fingers in your headphones at home? Either way, just do it!
The sentence in the posters below is actually my favourite phrase (not famous, but I have it on a bookmark) and it says 'dochi ga hen' which means "Which one is strange?". I love how the answer is not eactly what it should be:
The hydrangeas have followed me back here. No temples or shrines, but somewhere to lie and read a book. A wasp dropped dead next to me today, what does that mean?
Still waking up at odd times. Some nice things are that I've seen most of my immediate family, eaten some lovely home-cooked meals, and the sky has been an endless blue. It doesn't get dark 'til about 9pm here which is oddly disconcerting - the first night I thought my clocks were all wrong.*
A garden is nice although the increased amount of space - from a hallway to the lack of people on the streets - takes some getting used to. Both positive and negative, I think I miss the bustle.
Three main points have lead to the reverse-culture-shock guaranteed. I'll let you consider what they are and write them up tomorrow.
Nothing new on the job front, and I'll let you know when I hear anything. Fingers, and computer cables crossed.
The view from my window; blue sky, and not a block in sight:
*I guess a higher latitude and DST are the reasons.
Who knows which side is which anymore. Everything is confused, not the least my body clock which is winding further and further back. I woke up at a grand old time of 4am this morning and waited for the Sun to go for a run down to Meyrick Park. And here's the strangest thing: I didn't see a single person, all those CGI post-apocalyptic guys would have had a freebie this morning. And the cats. So many cats. No cats in Tokyo (a very few).
The flight back was fine, and I'm glad I arrived in Southampton as it meant a quick final stretch home. Although transferring at CDG2 in Paris on the first plane in, with no staff around, no lights up, and no direction of which gate to go to is a perfect mindbender. Or horror setting.
I've seen most of the immediate family, been to the beach, and had proper fish and chips. Cooked fish. Which have all been lovely.
But it hasn't sunk in yet and it would be a lie to say I'm perfectly happy to have returned. Which is why my suitcase is still unpacked, although that's probably more to do with laziness. But it will sink in, and it will become more normal. And if not, I'll have to deal with it in a way that is worthwhile: get stuck into Uni, and a job, and pass the time.
For now, I have quite a bit of free time while job hunting, so if anyone fancies food or a movie, I'm all yours. Unless you're reading this in Japan, and all I can offer is Skype.
And as I was greeted in three different languages on the flight, I'll finish with a few key phrases:
おかえり
Bienvenue
Welcome Home.
Congratulations Oli on graduation! - I'll be somewhere in the sky, thinking about you. 
Once again - see you on the other side.
I leave here Thursday night, and have been cramming as much sightseeing and food down my throat as possible. Too much of the food cramming if I'm honest. Loads to write up, but still too much to pack and two days left of being a tourist so I'm not sure I'll have time to add anything. But I've decided to keep things going on here as and when I bother as there are more stories I have yet to tell.
If you want to read them, that's your business. But if you do, they'll be here.
I managed to fit in a quick festival tonight, my favourite Summer Matsuri at Yasukuni Shrine.
Back in Bournemouth on Friday morning. Ho hum...
Packing vs Job Applications. Which is worse?
Packing is never fun, unless you're off to a tropical island. Sending 2 x 10kg boxes to the British Isles does not compare.
And I'm losing hope applying for positions that encourage "minorities or non-uk nationals". Seriously, if I'm not happy that I have to tick the British, White, Male boxes on an ethnical monitoring form, does that make me racist? I hope not, just not falling for this overly political correctness nonsense. Two points from this: I don't believe that companies "don't use the information", and whether they do or not, shouldn't it be the best person for the job regardless of skin colour, gender, religious orienation and/or sexual orientation, as one job form recently asked of me?
Weird story:
On Saturday, the sky was blue and it was nice and humid (27 overnight!). We were just about to go swimming when out of nowhere a thunderstorm rolled over. Within minutes the rain fell and the wind picked up, smashing it every which way. Soon, it was hail and our window was getting throttled by it. As quickly as it began, about 10 minutes later, the storm ended and the sky was blue again.
I stepped outside and thought it was the beginning of the apocalypse - four of the old cherry-blossom trees outside our apartment along the river had been torn down, bins everywhere and the crossroads by the station flooded a metre deep. 
But talking to people and looking around, it seems our street had the worst of it, nowhere else was as bad. So sad to think the trees are destoryed.
Maybe Japan's way of telling me she's angry I'm leaving.
The fan's new owner just so happens to be a Psychologist with friends at UCL!
A Advanced Technology - Toilets with sprays, robots that serve beer, and other crazy contraptions.
B Blog - This is entry 722: can you believe how far it has come?! Actually, I'll be posting about my adventures long after I've left; if you consider that I usually do something every Saturday and Sunday and typically write up one of them, I have A LOT left to publish (including sumo and blowfish).
C Cambodia - I know it's a bit suspect on this list but nowhere else outside of Japan has had such a profound effect on me in such a short time. A truly remarkable country and one I would be proud and privileged to revisit.
D Daibutsu - the Kamakura Buddha (in Hase) alongside Enoshima was my favourite getaway outside of the city. From it, I have the wisdom of a few hundred Buddhists, and a few hundred photos to match.
E English Signs - Spelling mistakes have been a source of joy in my Images of the Week entries.
F Fuji - It's always a pleasure to spot it on a clear day. Climbing it was overall the best single experience and achievement, and the blog entry I'm most proud of.
G Godzilla, Ghosts and Other Monsters - Japanese folklore is insane.
H Hachiko Crossroads and Shibuya - The heart of Tokyo never ceases to be exciting; it's one of a kind, always buzzing with excitement and pushing the borders of youth fashion.
I Izakaya - a social hangout serving an assortment of cheap food and drink, sometimes with karaoke included. I'm still convinced it'll catch on in England soon.
J Japan, of course.
K Keiko - マイ マンキー
L Language - Two beautiful scripts (hiragana/katakana) and mind-numbingly hard to master Kanji, with a lyrical pronunciation (except in drunk businessman karaoke).
M Matsuri - Festivals especially in the summer, with baked potato, snacks, girls dressed in kimono (yukata), lanterns, temples and fireworks.
N Newsagents/Convenience Stores - absolutely everywhere (over 10 within a 5 minute walk from my apartment) open 24/7 and cater to your every need, from picking up microwaved lunchboxes or midnight ice-creams to paying the electricity bill or posting a letter. 7/11, Family Mart, AMPM, Lawson et al, thank you for making life a breeze.
O Odaiba - the greatest place in Tokyo.
P Penis Festival - part of the greatest day ever (including the cherry blossom in a cemetery and a man falling in the river).
Q UniQlo - the Japanese equivalent of H&M.
R Respect - I'm not denying the problems that are boiling to the surface but generally a well-mannered, crime-free and orderly country.
S Sushi - I can't get enough of that wonderful stuff; maybe I should get an evening job in a sushi shop in London somewhere (not that it will be the same but I may be able to use Japanese).
T Trains - Come on, did you think it could be anything else. Call me a geek but the trains here are the bees knees.
U Umbrellas - Come rain or shine, never leave home without one. From 99 yen see-through ones misplaced on a daily basis to ornate parasols, the must have accessory.
V 'V' Sign For Photos - Japanese are so cute posing for pictures.
W Weird Food - I think I've tried everything I've been offered, from whale to sea urchin to grasshopper to natto. Except fried tarantula, which doesn't count (ignore C for a moment).
X eXploring - I've still not exhausted all the trips in and around Tokyo.
Y Yugawara Foot Spa - The most romantic place I've ever been. One of those precious moments which retain every smell, sight and sound. I remember it so vividly.
Z Zzzz - Japanese people sleeping on trains. It never gets old.
Dear Fan,
We've had some good times and now I have to move on and leave you behind. But fear not, you're moving to a new home, one not so far as your new owner coincidentally lives on the other side of Gotanda. Don't be scared. They'll be nice to you.
Do you remember the slightly delayed start we had when Nova supplied me with a broken button-less fan and claimed that was good enough? And imagine my surprise when I arrived home one night to find you all packaged waiting for me.
Do you remember that time in the heat of the humid summer I woke up about to spontaneously combust and you, on your highest setting, saved my life?
Do you remember that time I tripped and my tie got caught in your blade and you choked me?
Good times.
So thank you, fan, I'll never forget the three summers in Tokyo we had together. I remember every detail. The Japanese wore gray, you wore blue.
And if, one day, I skip past some wind turbines and feel a gust of cool air, I'll think of you and wonder how you are.
What's strange about this picture?
Tokyo Tower is missing! For both the Summer Equinox and the Hokkaido G8 Summit last night, Tokyo Tower and Rainbow Bridge participated in the Asia-wide "Lights Down" campaign. I'm not sure it made a huge impact considering it was only for two hours and Tokyo has masses of electricity wasting away nightly, but the sentiment was there.
This is what it looks like usually, for those who have forgotten.
(taken in Odaiba - 7th July, 2008)
In the wee hours of this morning I sat bolt upright and proclaimed, "Earthquake". Granted it was pretty weak and I couldn't be sure it really was. I went back to sleep easily and was even less confident come daybreak.
But sure enough, the Japan Meteorological Agency confirmed my sensation; at 4:44, there was a small earthquake.
However, it was a Scale 1 (teeny-tiny)* up near Sendai and shouldn't have been felt this far South. Which means:
a) I am a very light and sensitive sleeper.
b) I dreamt it and it was coincidence.
c) I psychically sensed it.
Is this a Lurie tradition? Do I receive my magic powers turning 24?
Am I the real Harry Potter?
*I didn't realise but, from the website, there are a handful of these everyday.
Firstly, thank you everyone for the birthday/e-cards/emails/msn's; I really appreciate them all.
I had a great day yesterday; wanted to do something new and different and was running out of ideas. I search far and wide on the Internet for new trips and places to explore in and around Tokyo and I don't think you'll find someone who has been somewhere I haven't. I'm a walking guide book.
I was about to rely on good old Odaiba, but then I found something on someone's blog. I'm not sure if you can plagiarise a day-trip or blog entry, instead I'll call it a homage.
Ushiku is a city in Ibaraki prefecture, just North East of Tokyo*. It is allegedly home to the mythical Japanese creature, the kappa. 
Allegedly because there are a handful of places which claim this across the country. The kappa is a god-like animal which is a mixture of a tortoise with a duck-mouth, and a strange flat hair-piece on their head. Although fondly cutsified into small toys and key chains, the legend is a little more terrifying. The kappa live in ponds/lakes and drag children underwater. There are more details, including their love of cucumber etc.
The amazing thing is, you've all seen the kappa beforehand (well most of you). Recognise this guy:
It's a koopa (or koopa trooper) from Super Mario, based on the kappa. Anyway, this was outside Ushiku station:
And with all Japanese cities designing their manhole covers:
Near the station is Kamiya Chateau and winery, which was the first place in Japan to make its own wine. Free to roam around, we explored the basement with its creepy dark corridors among the barrels, and its damp dank atmosphere. Perfect for a Resident Evil re-enaction. A few sips of wine, some cakes and baguette from the patisserie, and a wine cake from the souvenir shop and we were merrily on our way to the main destination.
I assume the only reason I'd never heard of "The Tallest Statue in Japan" was because it was a beast to get to. An hour and a half train ride from Tokyo, then a 30 minute bus, which only comes every two or so hours!). But that's not going to stop me. Maybe the Ushiku Buddha is busy during Summer festivals, as the two large car parks would suggest; but there were only a handful of sightseers yesterday.
The Buddha, which stands at 120m and 4000 tons is impressive; it is the third tallest statue in the World (the tallest two in China), but is the tallest Buddha in the World; it was visible 15 minutes before we arrived there by bus! And to put that into context, it is three times the height of The Statue of Liberty.
The great image of the Buddha, which stands in the center of Jodo Teien garden, is 120 meters high symbolic of the 12 beams of light said to emanate from its body and reach throughout the World. Standing upon a lotus blossom, the feet are poised to signify his vow to step forward and search out all those who are lost within the impure World with its five defilements. In turn, the position of the hands symbolise his acceptance of all sentient beings without exception.And to grasp the size even further, the Buddha in Kamakura would fit in this Buddha's palm! That deserves another exclamation mark: !
